I've recently started working a program for Codependents. The addict in my life appears to be staying off of drugs and sober for the very first time in his life. While I'm very happy about this turn of events, I'm not ready to allow him back into my life. Someone who means the world to me said I was holding a grudge for not wanting to talk to him...I thought to myself ~ WOW...they need a meeting. Their words felt like a smack in the face. I spent two days upset and thinking about what they had said to me, trying to rationalize why would I want the pain and drama that comes with addiction back in my life right now. This addict is not working the 12 steps, I know this because, step 8 & 9 have not been taken with me personally. For me, that means they are in the very early process of getting well. I decided....I needed to get my own help, I don't have to worry about what anyone thinks. I need worry about myself. I need to do what is right for me for once. I think that I'm finally *getting it.* It's not about the addict, it's about me. I've always been the one to do the right thing, to try and make everyone get along and I also take care of everyone before myself. Where I left off with caring for 4 young children, I picked up with caring for needy dogs. I feel guilty if I don't take care of their needs before mine. The program is helping me to see...I've been thinking and acting completely wrong my entire adult life. That will be changing! This week the neotropical birds are flooding into our area, I was not getting any birding time having to leash walk both the dogs, not easy to hold two retractable leashes with a 190#s of Dobermans at the end of them, and a pair of Bins steady. Today after taking the boyz for their loop and being very frustrated at not being able to see all the birds I could hear, I decided to drop them off at home, and go out into the Co. Park....ALONE! It was just what I needed to clear my head. Spending time in nature completely wrapped up in the moment is the best way for me to get back in touch with myself. Three hours passed like the blink of an eye. I came home feeling like a million bucks. I know now that I need more alone time, everyone in my life will benefit if I'm not feeling so frazzled.
Today's birding was outstanding! Having so many gorgeous birds all out at the same time makes you feel as though you are birding in another country. Highlights for me were Blue-wing and Worm Eating Warbler. Every expected species has returned in great numbers.
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