Friday, February 12, 2016
So...as my life continues to revolve around cancer, and the overwhelming feelings of having and working on getting well from it, I have found that pretty much everything I thought I knew, practiced, thought, is all BS. I'm 56 years old, and now I'm seeing the absolute truth for the first time. Until I was faced with having a life threatening disease, I really knew NOTHING about life. This is what I know now, 4 short weeks since being diagnosed, there is NOTHING on the face of this earth more important then those you love~NOTHING! Be in the moment with them. No distractions. Being upset about petty life shit is a complete waste of precious time here on our beautiful earth. Worrying about things that may never happen is a waste of time and if they do happen, is it life threatening, or has someone died, if you answer is no....then it will all work out, it always does. Personally not doing or experiencing things for one reason or another is no longer negotiable, if I want to do something, I'm doing it. I no longer care how I look to others. Put your shoes on and show up! This is my only life and I'm living it. I have never been one to take anything for granted, I've always felt like I won the lottery, I have the best hubby and sons, and my family has been a dream come true for me, so that's something that has not changed. Today a simple breakfast out with two of my sons and future DIL was heaven on earth. I felt well and just enjoyed each moment with them. One foot in front of the other.
I've also decided that when I am recovered from breast cancer, I don't want to wear the badge of being a survivor, just like I don't want to wear it from surviving Lyme disease. They are part of what I've had to go though in this life, but not a part of me. I can not wait to move back into being fully me, healthy, happy and enjoying each precious moment, doing what I love with my family, friends and in nature. I will not be doing cancer walks or things like that. I think that it is wonderful if others want to keep cancer survivorship as a part of their lives, it's just not for me. Nature is my passion and I can not wait to get back out there and volunteer again. I look forward to Rehabilitation phone calls, which are coming soon. I look forward to helping Maggie with a litter of squirrels. I look forward to frog counts, bird counts, teaching the public about wildlife. And....come Fall you will find me up at Mt. Peter! I may not have grown my hair back by then, but I will be there! I want to start hiking and backpacking again, NOW. I am ready for my new cancer free life to start....now to get though chemo! Spring is going to be upon us in a blink of an eye....I'm going to be there to catch each moment. I plan to pull my thoughts away from cancer and chemo and see all that beauty and wonder that my beloved nature has to offer. Live in the Moment. Each is precious and tomorrow is not promised to any of us.