Simpler life

There was a time not too many years ago when my life was simpler.  There was no internet or cell phone to constantly distract me.  I raised my sons the old fashioned way, no video games and very little TV.  I spent almost all of my free time with my my sons.  I took them on outings everyday, did crafts with them, taught them science, cooked with them and took them on nature walks. They had lots of pets to learn about and care for.  They had a neighborhood full of kids to play and play dates with others from school. We celebrated every holiday known to man, I tried to make each day special. In the summer months we went to the lake to swim, watched fireflies, shooting stars and the winter we snowboarded, went sleigh riding, ice skating and sledding.  All year long we took them on vacations and weekends away.  We went on two dream trips to Disney, and when they were older we took  a few great trips out west to show them natures finest masterpieces.  Every Spring we stayed in a tiny cabin upstate, and took them to see our college town, sometimes they went to reunions with us.  We camped on the Islands at Lake George every summer and went to the coast of Maine for another week, where we worked our way up to Canada staying in a different sea coast town each time we visited.  Weekends at home we almost always went somewhere, like hikes, museums, zoos and shows, we rented movies and got takeout.  We sat down and had dinner together every night of the week, we didn't allow anything but happy conversation.   Gone are those simple days for most American families.  They have busied themselves up too much, each family member having a couple of activities that they do after school and work. Many families need a double income to make ends meet and those that don't, spread their ends so far apart that they also need the second income to pay for luxuries that aren't necessities. Others want self satisfaction instead of spending the time to raise their own children.   I am forever grateful that hubby and I decided that the most important job I'd ever do in this lifetime was to raise my sons. My hubby is amazing and he worked very hard to make that happen.  I am so blessed that my child rearing time  was before the computer age, that there was no addictive distraction for me to fall in to. My only personal outlets were to be artistically creative and make things for my kids,  to work out at home, run in the early ams or do nature study. Once they were all in nursery school I adopted a dog and took to the woods while they were in school.  My hobbies were mentally and physically healthy for me.  I miss those days!  How can I find my way back to the good old days?  I don't have small children any longer, but I could waste less time online.  I could spend more time working out, volunteering at my animal shelter, reading books on nature, cooking gourmet meals, working in the garden the possibilities are endless.  Tomorrow is a new day full of opportunities......I aim to do it right!

Blessings

Had an amazing weekend.  My youngest son graduated from High School.  All four of my sons were around, unfortunately not at the same time.  My oldest decided to have take his vacation week here at home.  We are so happy to see him, he surprised his dad, which was so much fun.   

Gratitude

I can now honestly say I know what REAL GRATITUDE is! The growth in my hubbies lung was benign! I can't explain the overwhelming joy I felt upon receiving that news! It's a feeling I've had only a few times in my life, the truest highest HIGH ever! Tomorrow my youngest son graduates from High School. 20 years of our children in the school district, a bitter sweet day for sure, but one that we can now celebrate freely!

Happy Summer Soltice

Good bye Spring 2012

I hate to write it but GOODBYE and GOOD RIDDANCE to the Spring of 2012, although I went on the greatest trip of my life, the remainder of it was pure hell.  We start Summer 2012 off with great news, that beautiful word Benign.  I am so happy I could Scream THANK YOU at the top of my lungs!

Surprise!

Raccoon footprints

Sow Bear guarding tree with her 3 cubs

 I set out on my hike with a very heavy heart, deep in thought about my hubbies on going nightmare with his cancer.  We went for a second opinion yesterday to one of the best hospitals in the world and have decided to put him in their hands for future care.  They will be doing another biopsy and more surgery in the next week or so. Today  I felt like laying down and sobbing. There is no escaping the worry we are going through, this is real life stuff, no peace right now.  I'm trying so hard to be strong and just be there for him and our sons.  It all feels like too much some days.  As I hiked along all of a sudden, Monty was off after something.  I looked up as I had been scanning the ground looking for herps, there was a sow and three cubs!  The cubs all promptly treed as called Monty in.  The sow did a couple of bluff runs at Monty and another at me when we tried to go past her guarding the base of the tree that her cubs were in.  I felt no fear, but retreated to a more comfortable distance from her and then sat down and watched her for about ten minutes, she soon laid down and went to sleep.  Her cubs safely sleeping up in the tree, she at the base. You never know what awaits you when you take to the trail.  This was one of my favorite nature moments EVER!  So it goes, the good with the bad....it sure made my day!

While we ate a delicious hubby made dinner under our canopy outback, we watched 2 bucks in the backyard.  It was awesome!

Alone

Lay down in the field of tall grass and guess who comes along

My Cathedral~Gym & Psychiatrist

Where there is death, there is new life

My Friend

 Today I was super depressed as I headed out for a hike with my Monty.  I've missed a lot of days of hiking lately due to the lack of energy, doctors appointments and tests.  I know that skipping my nature time is never a good idea, the more days I skip,  the easier it is for me to end up in the toilet completely depressed.  Soon after entering the woods the layers of depression began to peal away.  It was amazing that the more time I spent in the woods, the happier I became.  I began to feel as though I was wrapped in a big blanket and could lay down on the ground and rest my weary body and soul.  I felt so completely at peace and that I'd come home.  Nature feels like the hug I long for, the one that comes with a loving being telling me that everything will be ok.  I can't get that feeling from anyone in my life.

There has been nothing easy about the last 5 weeks...NOTHING. And the odd thing about it all is you really begin to learn some important life lessons.  One thing that I've found out is that I really have no one besides my hubby who understands me, who knows how to support me in a time of crisis.  I know now that I've got to get good and steady on my own two feet because that is all I'm guaranteed  to have help to carry me though the rest of this life during times of crisis.  Some people are lucky to have family members who are there for them thick and thin,  I've not been that blessed.  Mine are too wrapped up in themselves to be able to give back what I've so freely given to them. I'm done with it.  I won't drain my own emotional energy for them again.  It has to be a two way street.

Today's hike was great.  A Red-bellied was feeding a hatchling as was a Pileated Woodpecker.  I had good views of both.  Great Crested Flycatchers and a Kingfisher added to the great bird that filled the forest. 

Vitamix

Yesterday hubby bought our Vitamix.  This morning I made up our first green drinks, a bit bitter...but good!  It's amazing how little you get when you grind up piles of fresh healthy greens.  The blender is very easy to use, and clean up is a snap.  I like the idea of using the entire vegetable and not throwing away the pulp like you do with a juicer. It's a fantastic way to eat a ton of healthy greens. Green drinks everyday from now on!

Me lucky!

My gym....GORGEOUS!

My training partner, so handsome!

How lucky am I to have discovered a way to work out that feeds not only my body but my soul. I can't imagine doing anything else with my free time, super blessed to have found the secret to my  own sanity.  Mind Body and Soul, all in one awesome work out!

Snapper

Female Snapping turtle out to lay eggs

Female Wood Turtle

Great Blue Heron

5 foot Black Snake

Awesome hike today. Lots of herps.  Also had a Barred Owl that I got to watch for a while. The Black snake almost crawled over my feet while I stood and talked to a couple of dog friends.  He was gorgeous.

It's time!

The trail is calling me....get up and out there!  RUN!

The last month has been a stressful blur. I'm having a hard time just breathing some days. I could easily eat or drink to excess to escape all the pain of all we are going through right now. Having a cancer diagnosis and also closing your business all with in the same month is overwhelming.  I decided today that I miss being fit.  It's been a long time since I felt strong. I want it back, and now is the perfect time for me to have something else to concentrate on that will make me feel better in a healthy way. I'm too distracted to do any reading, to work on my bucket list, to do much of anything.  I didn't go to my Master Naturalist class last weekend, and can't continue my volunteer work right now. So the bucket list is put away for the rest of 2012. Talking to people just upsets me, because most people say the wrong thing, they don't mean anything bad, but it sure comes out that way. I can see now that this journey is one you take alone, with only the support of a few good friends and your immediate family. Few people can understand what it feels like to have your hubby get a cancer diagnosis. I have to retreat into myself in a healthy way so I can be there for my hubby and sons as we go though this tough time in our lives. I have to not feel sorry for myself, as I've lived a blessed life. I have no complaints in 30 years of marriage, who can say that? Soooooo tomorrow I begin a new obsession, Outdoor Fitness. I have a book that I purchased a few months ago...it's time I use it!

2 walks in the woods

Baby Squirrels

The baby squirrels were released almost a week ago and continue to hang around the feeders and their cage several times each day.  They all look good.  This morning three out of four of them were in the maple tree next to the pond.  They are running up and down playing.  I went out and gave them some food and a handful of peanuts which they promptly took and buried.

Cleansing

I begin today in spiritual practice. I will not put on the TV or any music.  I have a lot to be grateful for and I need to concentrate on that.   I don't want to allow the negatives that have recently been a part of our lives to take over.   It is a rare day that I am alone in the house, I am enjoying the quiet and time to think and reflect. It is raining and I'm am feeling completely at peace in my heart. Each day to get here on this beautiful earth with your loved ones is a gift. Cherish it, every blessed second.

Full Strawberry Moon

I am happy to have a brand new full moon in a new month to start my life over again. The last month has been pure hell. I'm grateful it is over. I will never again look at life the same way. I will also never again take for granted anyone I love! I now really know exactly what is important in this life. Until we are tested, we skate through our lives thinking we know why we are here, and most of us don't have a clue. We spend all of our time on personal pursuits and seriously neglect our closest relationships.  I am grateful for my loved ones...period. Nothing else matters in this life but them....WHEN IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE, LOVE IS ALL THERE IS! LOVE IS OUR MOST PRECIOUS GIFT.  Thank you higher powers for a second chance to get it right.  Look at the picture...see the heart?  There is my message....even the moon is trying to tell me!