Saturday, February 20, 2016

Bat medicine Rebirth

I did a Pathway card spread from my Medicine Cards, by Sams & Carson.  I found it to be helpful. The one card and message that really caught my attention was the 4th Card, which is the card that symbolizes,  the Pattern or set of life lessons that is moving though my life right now.  I pulled the Bat Card for that.  As I go though cancer treatment, this hits close to home.  Five weeks into the diagnosis and treatment and I know in my heart and soul my life is forever changed in ways that will only better the time I have left on this planet.  Seeing going though treatment and recovery as a rebirth is such a good positive visualization.  I will grow and become my future, and it all will be even better then the last 56 years have been.

Copying and pasting this article didn't go well. It will not allow me to change the settings. 
Steeped in the mystery of MesoAmerican tribal ritual is the legend of Bat. Akin
to the ancient Buddhist belief in reincarnation, in Central America, Bat is the symbol of
rebirth. The Bat has for centuries been a treasured medicine of the Aztec, Toltec,
Tolucan, and Mayan people.
Bat embraces the idea of shamanistic death. The ritual death of the healer is
steeped in secrets and highly involved initiation rites. Shaman death is the symbolic
death of the initiate to the old ways of life and personal identity. The initiation that brings
the right to heal and to be called shaman is necessarily precede by ritual death. Most of
these rituals are brutally hard on the body, mind, and spirit. In light of today's standards,
it can be very difficult to find a person who can take the abuse and come through it with
their balance intact.
The basic idea of ancient initiations was to break down all the former notions of
"self" that were held by the shaman-to-be. This could entail brutal tests of physical
strength and psychic ability, and having every emotional "button" pushed hard. Taunting
and spitting on the initiate was common, and taught him or her to endure the duress with
humility and fortitude. The final initiation step was to be buried in the earth for one day
and to be reborn without former ego in the morning.
This ritual is very similar to the night of fear practiced by natives of Turtle Island.
In this ritual, the shaman-to-be is sent to a certain location to dig his or her grave and
spend the night in the womb of Mother Earth totally alone, with the mouth of the grave
covered by a blanket. Darkness, and the sounds of animals prowling, quickly confront the
initiate with his or her fears.
As the darkness of the grave has its place in this ritual, so does the cave of Bat.
Hanging upside-down is a symbol for learning to transpose your former self into a
newborn being. This is also the position that babies assume when they enter the world
through the womb of woman.
If Bat has appeared in your cards today, it symbolizes the need for a ritualistic
death of some way of life that no longer suits your new growth pattern. This can mean a
time of letting go of old habits, and of assuming the position in life that prepares you for
rebirth, or in some cases initiation. In every case, Bat signals rebirth of some part of
yourself of the death of old patterns. If you resist your destiny, it can be a long, drawn
out, or painful death. The universe is always asking you to grow and become your future.
To do so you must die the shaman's death.

Be flexible. Prepare for rebirth. The time is now, the power is you! 

A bat behind our cottage in Costa Rica

Thursday, February 18, 2016

I got outside!

I didn't go far or stay out long but I finally got outside!!! It was glorious! 

Tuesday, February 16, 2016


I had a beautiful bird in the yard today!  A Northern Flicker.  It is raining at 3:30pm and currently over 50 degrees.  From below zero the last few days, to snow, then ice, then rain in only the last 24 hours.  Nature is always interesting. 

Sunday, February 14, 2016


I continue to be inundated with visits, gifts, flowers, fruit baskets, letters, cards, letters,  private messages, emails, texts, prayer chains, candle lightings, positive vibes and  healing vibes.  The outpouring of love and support I've received since my diagnosis has been beyond anything I could have imagined.  I feel so loved and cherished.  This bear gift is very special. It is from a Doberman friend who lives in the UK.  It's a hand craved Zuni Bear Fetish.  It represents strength, courage and healing.  This friend knows who I am, which makes it more special.  Once on FB I was expressing my worry and sadness about two of my boys moving so far away, and this special friend of mine wrote;  they have a mother who walks among bears, they will be fine!  I could not do this cancer treatment alone, I am so grateful for each and every person in my life.  Each is contributing a piece to my complete recovery.

Written by: NMSOH,  According to Zuni mythology, the Bear fetish is the Guardian of the West and has the power to heal and transform human passions into true wisdom. They believe that Bear is invaluable whenever you are faced with change and transition and that it can be your ally when you are attempting to resolve conflict, forgive yourself or others for errors of the past, or when you are faced with new challenges in your spiritual path. There is a particular kind of depression of the spirit sometimes associated with the deep introspective stage of transition and change. When this occurs, Bear is a reminder that there is a parallel between depression and the natural state known as hibernation, when involvement with the outer world is minimized in order to focus more energy on the inner processes necessary for a successful transition.

Bear reminds us that one of the great powers we have is the power of turning to solitude and introspection through which we integrate new experience and change. If you are feeling overwhelmed by events, Bear can help you meditate on the symbolic parallels between your present state of mind and the bear at the door of the cave. You may be reluctant to step out of the cave into the sunshine after a long period of hibernation. You may retreat into the cave again and return to a state of solitude. However, you may be assured that no matter what the circumstances, you can choose peace instead of the conflict or disturbance you are feeling.

Bear represents the healing power within every living thing. Many of us are unprepared to make use of the potential power we possess in our capacity for introspection and solitude. The wisdom of Bear can help you realize this power and use it during those times in your life when the change created by cataclysmic events feels overwhelming.

Friday, February 12, 2016

Bird Count!

I've been participating in Great Backyard Count since it started.  This year is no different except I won't be going out and adding other sites to my personal counts.  It's a fun citizen scientist project any one can do.  Check out my life continues to revolve around cancer, and the overwhelming feelings of having and working on getting well from it, I have found that pretty much everything I thought I knew, practiced, thought, is all BS. I'm 56 years old, and now I'm seeing the absolute truth for the first time.  Until I was faced with having a life threatening disease, I really knew NOTHING about life.  This is what I know now, 4 short weeks since being diagnosed, there is NOTHING on the face of this earth more important then those you love~NOTHING! Be in the moment with them. No distractions.  Being upset about petty life shit is a complete waste of precious time here on our beautiful earth. Worrying about things  that may never happen is a waste of time and if they do happen, is it life threatening, or has someone died, if you answer is no....then it will all work out, it always does.   Personally not doing or experiencing  things for one reason or another is no longer negotiable, if I want to do something, I'm doing it.  I no longer care how I look to others. Put your shoes on and show up!  This is my only life and I'm living it.  I have never been one to take anything for granted, I've always felt like I won the lottery, I have the best hubby and sons, and my family has been a dream come true for me, so that's something that has not changed.  Today a simple breakfast out with two of my sons and future DIL was heaven on earth.  I felt well and just enjoyed each moment with them. One foot in front of the other.

I've also decided that when I am recovered from breast cancer, I don't want to wear the badge of being a survivor, just like I don't want to wear it from surviving Lyme disease.  They are part of what I've had to go though in this life, but not a part of me. I can not wait to move back into being fully me, healthy, happy and enjoying each precious moment, doing what I love with my family, friends and in nature.  I will not be doing cancer walks or things like that.  I think that it is wonderful if others want to keep cancer survivorship as a part of their lives, it's just not for me.  Nature is my passion and I can not wait to get back out there and volunteer again.  I look forward to Rehabilitation phone calls, which are coming soon.  I look forward to helping Maggie with a litter of squirrels.  I look forward to frog counts, bird counts, teaching the public about wildlife.  And....come Fall you will find me up at Mt. Peter!  I may not have grown my hair back by then, but I will be there!  I want to start hiking and backpacking again, NOW. I am ready for my new cancer free life to to get though chemo!  Spring is going to be upon us in a blink of an eye....I'm going to be there to catch each moment.  I plan to pull my thoughts away from cancer and chemo and see all that beauty and wonder that my beloved nature has to offer.  Live in the Moment. Each is precious and tomorrow is not promised to any of us.  

Saturday, February 6, 2016


I've feel like I've already been though the ringer and treatment has just started. I've been plunged into illness like never before. I am trying to surrender to the healing process so I get completely well and can move on to a healthy life again.  Cancer is all I can think about.  I need to fill my world with other enjoyable pursuits and not spend all day and night dwelling on cancer. My new challenge is to think another thought. Replace the fear and negativity with a positive affirmation.  I am surrounded by the best people I could ever need in my life to help me though the process!  I am still completely shocked at the outpouring of love and support I'm receiving.  I've been given 4 symbolic Alex and Ani bracelets from loving friends, a crystal to hold during treatments from one of my best friends in life, flowers, special little gifts, dozens of cards, constant texts, phone calls, PMs on FB,  letters, each so perfect and uplifting.  If love can heal cancer, it's a done deal! 

The best healing gift of all, was on February 1st my oldest son who is in the Peace Corps in Namibia Africa, showed up in person at the time we were suppose to skype.  I had not seen him in 10 months.  Simply one of the best moments of my entire life.  Here I was feeling my absolute lowest, to feeling one of the highest moments in my entire life in the span of one day.  Life is still good, even if I'm fighting a serious disease.   My hubby is my hero for keeping the secret and helping arrange for our son to come and be with me as I start my journey thru cancer to wellness. There is no better gift for a mom then time with her children.  I am beyond blessed with 4 incredible human beings that call me mom.