Quality Life?

I spent the last four weeks in a state of numbness. I feel as though I missed the holidays, and for what reason? Petey's diagnosis put me emotionally in the toilet. He has DCM, but has no symptoms yet, why am I mourning his death before he is even gone? What has changed from four weeks and one day ago? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I have knowledge of a condition that most Doberman owners don't know about until it is too late to do anything about it, and potentially add more time with medications. I have no idea of how long he will live, it could be years. Owning and loving this breed we all have about a 50/50 chance of having our dogs diagnosed with it in their lifetime. Despite my sadness, Petey is still living each day as if it is his last. He has no idea that his heart is damaged and will shorten his life. I know that I've been a good Dobermom since the day he came into my life, I have no guilt or regrets, but now I've become even more conscious of what a quality life is for *him*. I've been trying to look at the world through his eyes. It's been fun. I spend more time cuddling and petting him, I stop what I'm doing for an impromptu game of tug, I was able to get a 100# of fresh venison because that is his favorite food, he wanted to roll on smelly deer bones the other day and I let him, tonight after work I walked him in the dark with a flashlight, up in the park where all his doggie friends left their pee-mail. He loved running in the dark! Everyday becomes a new adventure for Petey and I. In three short years he has completely changed how I look at dog ownership. It has been my honor to share his life.

Yesterday was my Dad's 5th death day anniversary. I shed a few tears and I spent most of the day thinking about him. I still miss him as if he only passed yesterday. Tomorrow I want to pick up some of his favorite foods and have a little feast in his honor.