YES I Got It!

I've spent the last five months going deep into my soul trying to figure out this thing called life. Trying to figure out the lessons that are given to each of us and how we are suppose to be getting them, so that we don't have to repeat them over and over again. So we don't have to feel the gut retching pain of loss again and again. My most difficult lesson reared it's ugly head again. Days before my fiftieth birthday, my beautiful boy Petey was diagnosed with DCM, a fatal heart ailment which takes Doberman's lives very quickly. Shock, sadness, and complete disbelief has again filled my days. Why me? Why my beautiful baby? Haven't I suffered enough? But this was no accident, no cruel joke on me, it was another message from the universe, will I finally get it? Five years ago I lost my Dad suddenly. I spent the eighteen months following his death, deep in grief over not seeing him one last time, not getting to say goodbye to him. I was full of regrets. Should haves, could haves and would haves, filled my every waking moment. This time around...I've been given the gift of time....the gift of saying goodbye....the gift of no regrets, no should haves, no could haves and no would haves. Once again, I've missed seeing the gifts I've been given, blinded by my grief over the *thought* of losing my boy,cringing away from the pain that is headed my way....Once again I have stopped taking this thing called life ONE DAY AT A TIME. Everyone dies, everyone feels pain, everyone has loss, it IS life. It's how we live each precious day we are given that makes for a happy full life. There are no guarantees in this life, anyone can leave us at any given moment. If someone is precious to you, celebrate them every time you are together. We only have today to live, celebrate every waking moment.

All is right in my world today. I have a hubby that I cherish, four amazing sons, my beautiful mom is still alive and healthy, I have lots of extended family and friends that I love, I have my health, a home, food on the table, and my PETEY IS ALIVE. He hasn't left me yet, we have lots more adventures awaiting us, and I aim to make each day we are given together here on this beautiful planet the best day ever! When his number is up, he will leave me and I will be broken and sad, but I will have no regrets, his life will have been a great one, filled with adventure and my love. My heart is full, I thank the universe for clarity. I do think that this time I've GOT IT!