A month......

An entire month has passed......and I missed 99% of it. It makes me so sad that I'm wasting time right now.  I came very close to dying 2 weeks ago.  I had gone to NYU and was told that they could no longer treat me with the IT.  I think it hit me so hard that it stopped my desire to keep trying. Next thing I know,  I'm was the hospital, I was on oxygen, a morphine patch, my organs started to shut down, I had nearly a 105 fever on and off for more then a week, I had stopped eating, drinking, every inch of my body broke out in a horrible peeling itchy rash. All of my sons came home. Friends and family gathered around for the 2 weeks.  Its all a blur now. I'm slowly pulling myself back up again, and trying for more time, I'm just not ready to go.  I didn't leave then, so must try no matter how horrible I feel to enjoy each and every final moment I'm given.   Each day was always a gift....now a bonus.  I desperately need to feel grateful and be happy for each moment I'm here.  I know that I have the best sons and husband in the entire world.  I am the most blessed women to ever walk the face of this earth.