Monday, July 31, 2017

I want to be a kid again......

I finally got out today.  The weather has been simply glorious. This has got to be one of the nicest Summers in many decades. My physical state has been refusing to cooperate and it's making it hard for me to get out most days.  Treatment is a beast sometimes. I am grateful for my upswing times. While I was out, as always I felt so overjoyed and alive.  I always forget how depressed I end up when I don't make the time and effort to fill my soul with nature. Monty has also been having issues because he misses our hikes too. He's been obsessively licking his paws, and now has lick sores.  It's time that I make sure I get him out, even for a few moments.  As I walked along, I was thinking that I still can't believe how much space in my head cancer takes up.  I'm really, really tired of it. It has become my life, even though I don't want to spend what time I have left dwelling on this awful disease.  I decided that I must step back in time. I have to become a kid again, and live just like I'm on Summer break.  Worrying about the whens and hows is hurting my soul. I am making a commitment to myself, that starting tomorrow when I wake up, I will interrupt the constant voices in my head and tell myself something else.  Wish I could hear what went on in my 10 year old brain, I'm sure it was so full of wonder and excitement, every day was an adventure.  I want that for myself again.  Good to have goals!  LOL 

Dogs are simply the BEST!
Hot feet....take your shoes off walk in the water!

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