Fall

What a gift it is to be able to notice all the small things out in nature.  Getting outside everyday is a gift I give myself and my dog. Fresh air, beautiful sights, exercise, what could be better for me?

Successful hatching of snapping turtle nest

Busy beaver

Mom?

W. Turtle

W. Turtle

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Natures art

Lots of mushrooms

Turkeys

Hummingbirds

I hosted at least 4 hummingbirds today!  I'm glad that I changed my sugar water.  I also had a Monarch and two Red Admirals. 

A great day!

My son came home from Africa yesterday, I'm glad he's back in the states. We picked him up from JFK very early in the morning. Excavation and back filling work was being done on our future home site, so I had to make a total of 4 trips back and forth to the land. On trip one, I lucked out, I crossed a gorgeous female Wood Turtle, the largest female I've ever seen. She was simply stunning.  I showed her picture to our excavation guy, and he showed me a picture of a bear that walked right next to our new house a couple hours earlier!  The day only got better, as hubby and I were toasting our new home, barred owls were calling up on our Mt.  Later at home, coyotes were singing in the fields, I was outside taking it all in, when I noticed a big Black Bear across the street! My son and his wife drove up and were able to see the bear as well.  What a great wildlife day! Each day a gift. So much to see, so little time.

Fun

 

                            Simple Definition of fun

• : someone or something that is amusing or enjoyable : an enjoyable experience or person
• : an enjoyable or amusing time
• : the feeling of being amused or entertained
  
  
  My oncologist said this should be the banner of my life from now on FUN.  I'm going to do what the doctor says!  
  
  
  For the start of 24/7 FUN for me, I went up to the Hawk Watch yesterday and today!  I was rewarded with nearly 500 Broad-winged Hawks this morning! I can feel crappy up at the watch as well as at home, I chose the watch!  Awesome time with my friends and lots of beautiful birds.   Hummingbirds still passing through my yard.   I love seeing them. 
  
  
   

Schroon

All is good!

This vacation continues to be just what I needed.  I'm so glad I listened to my soul and decided to come up here.   I'm loving the peace and solitude.  I just found out how small the world is.....since we got here, I've been hearing a lady talking when she is outside on her deck, she lives one door down in a gorgeous house. Her voice is so familiar, well....we do know her!  She is friends with hubby's mom's twin!  We see her at the Horseradish Fest every year!  Now I no longer have to worry about Monty going on the other part of the beach, which he had started to do causing me stress!  She doesn't care!  We will have dinner with her on Sunday night too!  How small is this world?  

I've been thinking a lot about how best to live my life.  That is one of the reason I wanted to be alone for a few days, to think.  I am really set on trying to stay in the moment and enjoy each one. I am an eternal optimist where everyone else is concerned, but not always with myself.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and I always look for the good and I would rather feel happy then sad in any given situation.  I don't want to talk about cancer anymore.  It makes it very hard for me to stay happy.  If friends and family want to do something for me, how about helping keep me in the moment?  How about having fun instead of dwelling in sadness? How about telling jokes instead of stories of others who have or have had cancer?  How about helping me to enjoy what time I have left instead of making it more painful?  Tell me about the wildlife or birds you have recently seen, invite me for a meal, something different or exotic, invite us out to dinner, take me to see something really interesting, drink a nice bottle of wine with me, anything other then talk of illness!  I'm still here, I'm alive now. Lets all make the best of today, it's all we really have.  Not one of us has a guaranteed future. 

Yesterday I watched a coop flying over the lake trying to take a Goldfinch out!  WOW they were moving fast! The Goldfinch made it into a maple tree and the coop stopped his chase. The chipmunks are now taking food from my hand, they can stuff two peanuts in their cheeks.  Loving every moment of this special lake.  I have even slept better then I have in a very long time. 

These guys are cute!

Almost the full moon!

My favorite, Red Squirrel!

Forever a kid at heart

 

This is what is sitting on the coffee table in the screen room at the cottage.  I'm still like a 10 year old.  Discovering things in nature never gets old.  

Peace of heart found......

When ever I go on vacation and rent a house, I always bring bird seed with me. I also bring a Hummingbird feeder, just in case.  Just now I was rewarded with a Immature female Ruby-throated Hummingbird! She made me smile ear to ear!  I am glad that I was able to help fuel her for a long journey South.  This morning the birds and critters found the food I laid out for them.  There are Red Squirrels, Grey Squirrels and Chipmunks enjoying the bounty I've provided them with.  Blue Jays, Cardinals, Chickadees have joined the flurry of activity.  It makes my heart smile to be surrounded by such beautiful creatures. Today is a gray quiet day on the lake, I'm loving sitting on the porch enjoying the solitude and watching all the birds and critters.  It is such a blessing for me to always see all of life with the eyes of a child, I'm never bored or lonely. I'm always in awe of it all.  Each nature sighting always warms my heart and makes me smile.  There were 4 loons just now.....how cool is that?  Life is good.

Blue Jay

Sunrise 7am

Schroon Lake

I am up at Schroon Lake.  Hubby was here with me since Friday.  He headed home to work a few days and will rejoin me on Thursday along with our son Derek.  On Friday our son Brad and his GF Ashley will come up as well.  I felt the need to spend a few days alone, I've never done this before.  I want to see if there is anyway to quiet the voices in my head. I'm still struggling with trying to make peace with my health situation and find a way to enjoy my life as it is. I don't want to spend time being depressed, it's hard enough feeling like crap physically most of the time.  Nothing speaks to me and calms me like nature....pure nature. Time outside with no human distractions.   Hubby and I did 3 short hikes, and honestly today I feel more at peace then I have in a long time. The trails here are beautiful and we went to several gorgeous little ponds.  I'm laying here in a screen porch listening to the waves lap, insects singing, birds feeding in the tree tops and loons calling, I feel peaceful and centered.  How can I take this feeling back home with me? I have a few days to figure it out.  I just read my favorite book of all times, written by my hero Rachael Carson.  A Sense of Wonder.  Ive read that book once or twice a year since 1994 when Bobby gave me an original copy of it.  I see the world as Rachael did, those of us who love nature are never bored or entertained by superficial objects.  She died young, at only 56 from Breast Cancer, not before she finished her most important work, Silent Spring. She never talked about her cancer as she wanted her scientific work informing people of the dangers of pesticides to be taken seriously.  She was a selfless, strong women whom I idolize.  I deeply love life, I love my hubby, my sons, friends, and family.  I've never taken any of it for granted and I've lived fully. I've always felt that the beauty of our planet is heaven, that being out in nature is my church.  I just want more time here..... 

"The Peace of Wild Things"
When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things 

who do not tax their lives with forethought
 of grief.
I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light.
For a time 
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
-Wendell Berry

Notable birds: Loons, lots of warblers, Common Mergs, Black Ducks, Kingfishers, BW Hawk, Fish Crows, Willow Flycatcher, and two Bald Eagles flying over the car on the way up.  

Why?

I will never understand what drives someone to kill an innocent creature for absolutely no reason. This was a very pregnant N.Watersnake who's home was Cascade Lake. Someone took it upon themselves to cut her in half. Killing her and more then a dozen babies. 

 

On a happier note,  on the home front there was a pair of Pilated Woodpeckers on the next door neighbors cherry tree! So awesome to have them move into the neighborhood.  Later on in the evening while driving home from a PT appointment, there was a pair of coywolves chasing each other all over a field! So much fun to watch them!  Living in the moment has so many bonuses, you see so much more of what is going on around you.  

Whale watching!

Decided that I needed to go Whale Watching, trying to practice living in the moment!  We headed to Cape Cod for the night. Incredible dinner of boullibase and steamers.  The boullibase was the best I've ever had. We went on the 9am trip out of Hiannis. What a wonderful whale watching trip we had! Lots of Finbacks and Humpbacks!  One Minke and 3 white sided Dolphins. We watched the Humpbacks fin wave, tail slap and multiple breachings over and over again. Beautiful weather. So nice to be out on the water. After the trip we had another delicious meal. I had more steamers and a huge lobsta salad!  YUM! With a happy heart and a renewed soul we headed home.

Living in the moment

I find that constantly looking at nature helps me to center myself and keeps me living in the moment. It's helping keep the negative thoughts out of my head. There is always something to see. Today while getting gas I watched an immature Bald Eagle circling over my car. A wonderful unexpected sighting.  Nature makes me smile every day.  

My life changing idea

I've decided to take back my life from the cancer diagnosis. Nearly a year ago I was misdiagnosed for 4 months. With recent tests we now know that I already had stage 4BC on the day of my diagnosis.  I've spent the last 7 months obsessed with all things cancer.  I'm sick of it.  I'm tired of people telling me who I should see, what I should eat, what I should take for a cure, how I should live,  even how I should feel, etc. I'm tired of talking about cancer.  I'm tired of being scared every waking moment.  

 I've lived a very healthy lifestyle for my entire adult life and yet I have cancer.  Nothing I could have done differently would have changed this fact.  I'm no longer going to question the whys.  The only way this could have turned out differently for me, is if the original radiologist had made a correct diagnosis with the two sonograms that were done a year ago, that showed textbook Classic stage 1 BC.  He did NOT.  There is now a very a good chance that his poor skills and his total lack of caring,  will cut my life short by decades.  But that being said... I'm not going to quit!  I am strong and healthy and I will continue in treatment, eat healthy, exercise and look into any trials that are out there for my type of cancer.  In fact, my plan is to live every last moment I'm here on this beautiful planet. I LOVE LIFE.  I LOVE FUN. 

The only way I can fully be in the moment again is to stop dwelling in cancer. I need to stop talking about it every waking moment. Its gotten so bad, it's now in my dreams. The fact is; not one of us is getting out of here alive. Not one of us knows when our number is going to come up, as my beloved dad told me many times, in fact it was our last conversation before he died suddenly! I have been given a warning that my number is most likely coming sooner then later, and knowing that fact, makes me really want to LIVE AND ENJOY everyday as if it is my last.  Today I've made a decision with my hubby and my mom, that cancer talk with others is off limits from now on, as they are both tired of the same thing I am exhausted from. They are both hurting as much as I am.   Being sucked into cancer talk  by well meaning friends and family is draining all of us.  It keeps us from living today in joy and happiness.  

Today I decided to spend everyday from here on in,  like my past 10 year old self, living for today and enjoying it all! My hubby, My sons, food, experiences, nature, birds, reptiles, wild animals, my dog, my family, friends, starlight, sunrises, sunsets, storms, rainbows, just everything!  I did a creek walk with my pup and I caught frogs, I watched the fish, insects, clouds, listened to the water, felt the breeze on my face and the water on my body, I absorbed every last moment, it was blissful.   Tomorrow I'm headed to the Cape with my hubby to go whale watching, something I love so much.  I also booked a cottage on Schroon Lake for 10 days and another in Maine for a week.  We planned another weekend with my son and DIL up to a cabin.  We are going to a Ranger preseason game too!  Life is now, I need to live it!  Worrying about how long I have and how I might die is wasting what precious time I do have. The Universe has my back. My only job right now is to: JUST BE.  IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE. 

My personal playground

GB Heron

A juvenile GB Heron has been cleaning out my pond.