Last night I turned my foster dog back into the rescue. Her issues were far too great for me to deal with at this point in time. I feel so guilty that she had to go back to the kennel until someone else can foster her. Funny how I wasn't feeling upset for myself living in my own personal prison while she was here. The behaviorist who came along with the rescue vp, let us know that her issues were completely correctable. He said we needed to be stronger leaders, I know he was right. I have always been a wimp of a dog trainer. I've been lucky so far with all of my dogs that I bond deeply with them and have no issues. If we had a fenced yard, I would have considered having her stay until adoption. I couldn't chance that she got loose and went after the neighbors little dog. I stood strong for the very first time in my life. I said no, she needed to go back with them. I'm still grieving the loss of my Petey, trying to bond and train Monty, I had no business saying yes to fostering her at this point in my life. For once I said NO, and did what was right for me. I am sorry that we disrupted her life. The poor girl has had such a sad life so far. Because of her needs, it could be a long while before she is adopted. I can't put my life on hold for that long, and spend all my energy trying to help her, I have to help me right now. I've been putting my dogs first for far too long, and emotionally I'm a mess. I did the same thing with my kids. I have a few trips planned for this year, trips that were on hold during Petey's illness. I need to be able to leave home with less stress, my time here on earth is getting shorter and I'm really feeling that midlife crisis.
I took Monty out for a walk this morning before work, what a gorgeous day it's going to be. I will look for the small blessing each day again. The biggest one today so far is that I have the curtains on the back of the house all open again. They have been closed for many weeks now. I have ALL my bird feeders full. The foster had a high prey drive and would go ballistic every time she saw a squirrel outside. For the average person this wouldn't be a problem, but for me who rehabs them, it's been a nightmare and I haven't even taken in any spring babies yet. I'm loving watching the birds and squirrels again. I miss her deeply as I got far too attached in a short time. Every time I think of her I tear up. If my life was at a different point we would have adopted her. She is super cute and sweet. I hope and pray she finds the right person to love and care for her forever, she deserves that.
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